[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Ross, Rachel and Sophie are checking job applications]
Sophie: Huh, here's another prank application!
Ross: Why? What does it say?
Rachel: Maybe it's another from Mississippi.
Ross: Oh God no!
Sophie: No it says, (reading) Name: Spudulika...
Sophie: From: Somewhere on Earth...
Ross: Has to be true!
Sophie: Date of birth: The 60s...
Sophie: OK, compete with this! Previous job: Kamikaze pilot.
(Rachel drops one)
Ross: I'll get it.
Ross: No I've got it.
(Ross grabs it)
Ross: What's this? Kate Wilcox? This is Kate.
Ross: I'll have to talk to her about that!
[Scene: A library, Ross is there]
Man (we don't know him): Damn! The Lord Of The Rings isn't here!
Ross: I'm not surprised since this is the non-fiction section!
Ross: Kate. Hi. How come you didn't tell me you were looking for a job?
Kate: How do you know?
Ross: Well, I read your resume for Bloomingdale's and...
Kate: (interrupting) You own Bloomingdale's?
Ross: Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you.
Ross: Hey, tell you what. I'll give you an interview today at the coffeehouse.
Kate: Sure. I'll be there!
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Sophie is interviewing]
Sophie: Great, Michelle. You sound really good. We'll get back to you!
(Michelle leaves, another applicant enters, played by Helen Hunt)
Sophie: OK, you're the last one. I've read you're resume and you sound pretty good. OK, bye. I'll contact you.
Veronica: Wait! Don't you want me to explain a few things?
Sophie: Well, um, Ok, sure. What's up?
Veronica: Well, I'm Veronica Tyler, I'm fairly experienced. My sister was a designer in LA so I learnt a lot off her, oh, and just so you know, I'm totally cool with your hairstyle!
Sophie: What's wrong with my hairstyle?
Veronica: Oh, um. It's just not what I'm used to that's all!
(Veronica gets up and runs out)
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Kate]
Ross: So how many companies have you worked for?
Kate: Three major fashion companies.
Ross: Great, you sound really experienced, Kate.
Kate: Oh, yeah. I've worked in loads of departments in smaller companies. Sales, design, purchase, you name it, I've done it!
Ross: Wow, you could be really helpful!
Gunther: (to himself in background) Helpful in breaking up Ross and Rachel! Heh, heh!
Ross: OK, Kate. I'll give you a call. Your chances are pretty good.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, all present]
Rachel: Find any good applicants Sophie?
Sophie: Yeah. Michelle Hamilton. As you said she was really experienced.
Ross: Well, I thought Kate was good. She'd be perfect, plus we know her personally.
Rachel: You see why I don't make friends anymore?
Ross: So what do you think. We give Kate a go?
Sophie: Yeah, that sounds good!
Ross: Sophie, you let the others down easy.
Sophie: Why me?
Ross: Well. We do pay you to do this stuff. And actually, I'll talk to Michelle Hamilton.
Sophie: You'll talk to her? Great, I can do the others in about 10 minutes.
[Scene: Same as before but a bit later, Sophie is talking to applicants]
Sophie: Yeah, so sorry. If we hadn't found her, then you'd have been an option, definitely!
Applicant: Oh, OK. Bye
(She leaves, another enters)
Sophie: Ah, Veronica.
Veronica: So, I didn't get it huh? This is not because of what I said about your hair was it?
Sophie: No, don't worry about that.
Veronica: Oh, that's good. Oh, and before I leave, I'd just like to explain a couple of things to you.
Veronica: First, I got another interview. So don't feel bad about the fact that you turned me down.
Sophie: That's good news.
Veronica: Secondly, I'd always be open if ever you needed someone to work and you've seen my resume so you know my talents.
Sophie: Wait! Exactly how many is a "couple of things"?
Veronica: Just relax. Thirdly, I might be of some assistance to you here. Lemur fashion across town are secretly having an extension built on the back of their store.
Sophie: So, if it's secret, no-one's gonna notice cranes, lorries and construction going on are they?
Veronica: Well, as secret as possible. They only want to let people know at the last possible moment!
Sophie: And how did you find out?
Veronica: Well, I found a stack of papers in the store relating to the project. Blueprints I think they were.
Sophie: Well thank you Veronica for your inside info! That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard!
Sophie: I don't think they'd leave blueprints just anywhere! And as if you'd pick them up! So where exactly did you get this information?
Veronica: OK, so it's not a secret. But, hey, the extension will take place.
Veronica: Starting next week.
Sophie: OK, thanks for that!
Veronica: No problem.
(Sophie gets a "wierd" look on her face)
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Kate]
Ross: So, it's all very simple. Besides, Sophie will be helping you.
Kate: Great. When do I start?
Ross: Next Monday. Be there for 10.
Kate: I'll be there.
Rachel: Honey, I'm...(sees Kate) ahh!
Ross: Hi. I was just explaining a few things to Kate.
Rachel: Ahem, explaining?
Kate: I'll go I think!
Ross: Well, OK.
Ross: What the hell was that?
Rachel: Sorry, I've just had a bad day! Anyway, what do you need to explain to her that Sophie can't?
Ross: Well that's just it. I explained a couple of things and said that Sophie'd explain the rest.
Rachel: And you needed to invite her here just for that?
Ross: Yeah. That a problem?
Rachel: No, but...
Ross: What's this thing you've got about her?
Rachel: Well, it's just that she's been spending way too much around you lately!
Ross: Oh. I get you! And that bother's you?
Rachel: In a way, yeah.
Ross: In a way?
Rachel: Yeah, it's like you inviting her here and...
Ross: Wow, wow! You said that wasn't a problem!
Rachel: Well, it is now.
Rachel: Yeah, well she applied for the job for no apparent reason. Sounds like Kate wants to have some sex.
Ross: Sounding waaay too familiar now!
Rachel: Yeah, well it's true! Whatever you do. Last week when I first met her, you should've seen her face when I said we were engaged!
Ross: And you just assumed from that?
Ross: You did!
Rachel: So do you like her?
Rachel: I don't believe you!
Ross: Hey, if we're gonna get married then there's one important thing.
Rachel: What's that?
Rachel: I do trust you but...
Ross: Then what's the problem?
Rachel: I don't know Ross, but there is.
Ross: Hey, you know what. I don't want this!
(He starts to leave)
(He slams the door behind him.
(Someone opens it)
Man: Some people are trying to sleep downstairs!
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Now back to TOW The Job Offer...
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Sophie is present]
Sophie: Oh, hi Kate. Ready to go?
Kate: Yeah. What do I do?
Sophie: Simply help me. For starters, complete this invoice. Let's get you familiarised.
(She sits down)
Sophie: Right, well first it's the invoice number. Then the quantity, pricing and all this down here. I need to just check something. Any problems, then just come and get me. OK?
Kate: Yeah, I'll get right on it.
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross has entered, Rachel bursts through the door]
[Gunther's thoughts denoted by italics]
(Ross walks out again)
Rachel: (sigh) Decaf please Gunther.
Gunther: Excellent! Here you go.
(Her mobile rings - [Writer's note, yes they both have mobile phones now])
Sophie: (On other end) Rachel, Kate is not at all experienced!
Sophie: Well, this is the first fashion company she's ever worked for.
Rachel: Are you serious?
Rachel: I'll be down in five.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel rushes in]
Kate: Hi Rachel. Have you just run a marathon?
Rachel: (out of breath) Your sense of humor is side-splitting.
Sophie: Rach, here a sec.
(They go into her office)
Rachel: So what's the story?
Sophie: Well, I rang up all these companies and they said that she's never worked for them. I can't understand why she'd want a job in fashion if she's not interested.
Rachel: No, you're right. She's not interested in fashion. She's interested in something else.
Sophie: Like what?
Rachel: You just keep her busy.
Sophie: Two questions. One, how?
Rachel: Just give her loads of jobs to do.
Sophie: OK. Second, why me?
Rachel: Why do you think we employ you?
[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is there]
Rachel: Ross, I need to explain something to you.
Ross: OK, what?
Rachel: Kate isn't interested in the job?
Ross: How do you know?
Rachel: Well, look here. (Shows him a piece of paper) Sophie rang up all of her previous employers and every one said they'd never heard of her. Doesn't that make you think?
Rachel: Well, it didn't come as a surprise to me!
Rachel: Now, don't you see it?
Ross: OK, yeah now. But when you first met Mark, it took you 4 months to see it. Rachel: That's besides the point.
Ross: No it's not. It's the same situation. Anyway, what are we gonna do? We can't keep her on if she's useless.
Rachel: Good point.
Ross: You'll have to tell her.
Rachel: Um, who said "Shall we give Kate a go?"
Ross: OK, I'll do it! But this is a favour!
Rachel: Fine, whatever.
(Rachel dials a number on the phone)
Rachel: Sophie? Hi. Ross is on his way up now to explain to Kate. (pause) Yeah...(pause) Fine. OK bye.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Ross' office, Ross and Kate]
Kate: So, what's the problem?
Ross: Well, the thing is, Sophie called up your previous employers for a reference and it turns out that none of them had even heard of you. Can you explain this?
Kate: Oh, well. OK. I really wanted a job in fashion and I saw this opening. I knew I would never get it so I faked my resume.
Ross: Ah-ha. Well, you do realise I'm going to have to let you go, don't you?
Kate: Yeah. Well, I'll go now anyway. I couldn't even last one day!
Ross: Well, it's your fault really.
Kate: I suppose you're right. Never mind.
Ross: But, if I ever need you, I'll give you a call.
Kate: OK, bye.
Ross: No, wait!
(She comes back)
Ross: Actually, you can stay on. If you really want the job then I'm sure you'll try hard to keep it.
Kate: You're absolutely right. Thanks Ross.
Ross: That's OK. Sophie will tell you the rest of the stuff you need to know.
Kate: OK, I'll get to it.
[Scene: Bloomingdale's, outer office, Ross is there]
Rachel: (Noticing Kate) What's she still doing here?
Ross: I decided to keep her on.
Ross: I feel she has great potential.
Rachel: You do? This is her first fashion job!
Ross: This is my first fashion job.
Rachel: Yeah, well. You didn't fake your resume.
Ross: Anyway, why should it bother you? Don't you trust me?
Rachel: That's why you're doing this!
Ross: In a way, yes.
Sophie: OK, I'm done here. I've explained everything to Kate. She's back in on Wednesday. Bye.
Ross: See you tomorrow, Sophie.
Kate: Back on Wednesday. Bye.
(They both leave)
Ross: Are we gonna stand here and argue all night or are we gonna make up for some of this lost time?
Rachel: I suppose you're right. I've got quite a few things to do.
Ross: Yeah, OK.
(She goes into her office)
(Ross hurriedly leaves)
Ross: (to himself) He-heh. Goodnight!
(Rachel enters drenched)
Ross: (Still looking at TV) Finish your work, honey?
Ross: Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I took the umbrella!
Ross Geller..........David Schwimmer
Rachel Green..........Jennifer Aniston
Kate Wilcox...............Cameron Diaz
Gunther............James Michael Tyler
Veronica Tyler................Helen Hunt
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Ross and Rachel is completely independent. It is in no way associated with NBC or Warner Bros. All logos and images remain the property of Harrison Crecraft.