Ross and Rachel Episode 103 - The One With The Job Offer

Original Postdate: March 26th 1998
Finally, after all the problems. Episode 103 is up! I had to write this twice more than I needed to because I erased the disk. So, in Joey's words, "Talk about your bad luck! The first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes!".

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Ross, Rachel and Sophie are checking job applications]

Sophie: Huh, here's another prank application!

Ross: Why? What does it say?

Rachel: Maybe it's another from Mississippi.

Ross: Oh God no!

Sophie: No it says, (reading) Name: Spudulika...

Ross: Possible.

Sophie: From: Somewhere on Earth...

Ross: Has to be true!

Sophie: Date of birth: The 60s...

Ross: Yeah.

Sophie: OK, compete with this! Previous job: Kamikaze pilot.


[Scene: Same as before]

(Rachel drops one)

Ross: I'll get it.

Rachel: NO!

Ross: No I've got it.

(Ross grabs it)

Ross: What's this? Kate Wilcox? This is Kate.

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: I'll have to talk to her about that!

[Scene: A library, Ross is there]

Man (we don't know him): Damn! The Lord Of The Rings isn't here!

Ross: I'm not surprised since this is the non-fiction section!

Kate: Ross?

Ross: Kate. Hi. How come you didn't tell me you were looking for a job?

Kate: How do you know?

Ross: Well, I read your resume for Bloomingdale's and...

Kate: (interrupting) You own Bloomingdale's?

Ross: Oh, yeah. I forgot to tell you.

Kate: Great.

Ross: Hey, tell you what. I'll give you an interview today at the coffeehouse.

Kate: Sure. I'll be there!

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Sophie is interviewing]

Sophie: Great, Michelle. You sound really good. We'll get back to you!

Michelle: Thanks.

(Michelle leaves, another applicant enters, played by Helen Hunt)

Sophie: OK, you're the last one. I've read you're resume and you sound pretty good. OK, bye. I'll contact you.

Veronica: Wait! Don't you want me to explain a few things?

Sophie: Well, um, Ok, sure. What's up?

Veronica: Well, I'm Veronica Tyler, I'm fairly experienced. My sister was a designer in LA so I learnt a lot off her, oh, and just so you know, I'm totally cool with your hairstyle!

Sophie: What's wrong with my hairstyle?

Veronica: Oh, um. It's just not what I'm used to that's all!

(Veronica gets up and runs out)

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Kate]

Ross: So how many companies have you worked for?

Kate: Three major fashion companies.

Ross: Great, you sound really experienced, Kate.

Kate: Oh, yeah. I've worked in loads of departments in smaller companies. Sales, design, purchase, you name it, I've done it!

Ross: Wow, you could be really helpful!

Gunther: (to himself in background) Helpful in breaking up Ross and Rachel! Heh, heh!

Ross: OK, Kate. I'll give you a call. Your chances are pretty good.

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, all present]

Rachel: Find any good applicants Sophie?

Sophie: Yeah. Michelle Hamilton. As you said she was really experienced.

Ross: Well, I thought Kate was good. She'd be perfect, plus we know her personally.

Rachel: You see why I don't make friends anymore?

Ross: So what do you think. We give Kate a go?

Sophie: Yeah, that sounds good!

Rachel: Fine.

Ross: Sophie, you let the others down easy.

Sophie: Why me?

Ross: Well. We do pay you to do this stuff. And actually, I'll talk to Michelle Hamilton.

Sophie: You'll talk to her? Great, I can do the others in about 10 minutes.

[Scene: Same as before but a bit later, Sophie is talking to applicants]

Sophie: Yeah, so sorry. If we hadn't found her, then you'd have been an option, definitely!

Applicant: Oh, OK. Bye

(She leaves, another enters)

Sophie: Ah, Veronica.

Veronica: So, I didn't get it huh? This is not because of what I said about your hair was it?

Sophie: No, don't worry about that.

Veronica: Oh, that's good. Oh, and before I leave, I'd just like to explain a couple of things to you.

Sophie: OK.

Veronica: First, I got another interview. So don't feel bad about the fact that you turned me down.

Sophie: That's good news.

Veronica: Secondly, I'd always be open if ever you needed someone to work and you've seen my resume so you know my talents.

Sophie: Yeah.

Veronica: Third...

Sophie: Wait! Exactly how many is a "couple of things"?

Veronica: Just relax. Thirdly, I might be of some assistance to you here. Lemur fashion across town are secretly having an extension built on the back of their store.

Sophie: So, if it's secret, no-one's gonna notice cranes, lorries and construction going on are they?

Veronica: Well, as secret as possible. They only want to let people know at the last possible moment!

Sophie: And how did you find out?

Veronica: Well, I found a stack of papers in the store relating to the project. Blueprints I think they were.

Sophie: Well thank you Veronica for your inside info! That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard!

Veronica: What?

Sophie: I don't think they'd leave blueprints just anywhere! And as if you'd pick them up! So where exactly did you get this information?

Veronica: OK, so it's not a secret. But, hey, the extension will take place.

Sophie: When?

Veronica: Starting next week.

Sophie: OK, thanks for that!

Veronica: NP!

Sophie: What?

Veronica: No problem.

Sophie: Oh.

(Sophie gets a "wierd" look on her face)

[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Kate]

Ross: So, it's all very simple. Besides, Sophie will be helping you.

Kate: Great. When do I start?

Ross: Next Monday. Be there for 10.

Kate: I'll be there.

(Rachel enters)

Rachel: Honey, I'm...(sees Kate) ahh!

Ross: Hi. I was just explaining a few things to Kate.

Rachel: Ahem, explaining?

Ross: Yeah.

Kate: I'll go I think!

Ross: Well, OK.

(Kate leaves)

Ross: What the hell was that?

Rachel: Sorry, I've just had a bad day! Anyway, what do you need to explain to her that Sophie can't?

Ross: Well that's just it. I explained a couple of things and said that Sophie'd explain the rest.

Rachel: And you needed to invite her here just for that?

Ross: Yeah. That a problem?

Rachel: No, but...

Ross: What's this thing you've got about her?

Rachel: Well, it's just that she's been spending way too much around you lately!

Ross: Oh. I get you! And that bother's you?

Rachel: In a way, yeah.

Ross: In a way?

Rachel: Yeah, it's like you inviting her here and...

Ross: Wow, wow! You said that wasn't a problem!

Rachel: Well, it is now.

Ross: Why?

Rachel: Yeah, well she applied for the job for no apparent reason. Sounds like Kate wants to have some sex.

Ross: Sounding waaay too familiar now!

Rachel: Yeah, well it's true! Whatever you do. Last week when I first met her, you should've seen her face when I said we were engaged!

Ross: And you just assumed from that?

Rachel: Yeah!

Ross: You did!

Rachel: So do you like her?

Ross: No.

Rachel: I don't believe you!

Ross: Hey, if we're gonna get married then there's one important thing.

Rachel: What's that?

Ross: TRUST!

Rachel: I do trust you but...

Ross: Then what's the problem?

Rachel: I don't know Ross, but there is.

Ross: Hey, you know what. I don't want this!

(He starts to leave)

Rachel: Wait!

(He slams the door behind him.

(Someone opens it)

Man: Some people are trying to sleep downstairs!

Ross and Rachel's first fight! Will they work it out? Find out soon. But first...

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Now back to TOW The Job Offer...

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Sophie is present]

(Kate enters)

Sophie: Oh, hi Kate. Ready to go?

Kate: Yeah. What do I do?

Sophie: Simply help me. For starters, complete this invoice. Let's get you familiarised.

Kate: Great.

(She sits down)

Sophie: Right, well first it's the invoice number. Then the quantity, pricing and all this down here. I need to just check something. Any problems, then just come and get me. OK?

Kate: Yeah, I'll get right on it.

Sophie: OK.

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross has entered, Rachel bursts through the door]

[Gunther's thoughts denoted by italics]

Rachel: ROSS!

(Ross walks out again)

Rachel: (sigh) Decaf please Gunther.

Gunther: Problems?

Rachel: Yeah.

Gunther: Excellent! Here you go.

Rachel: Thanks.

(Her mobile rings - [Writer's note, yes they both have mobile phones now])

Rachel: Hello.

Sophie: (On other end) Rachel, Kate is not at all experienced!

Rachel: What?!

Sophie: Well, this is the first fashion company she's ever worked for.

Rachel: Are you serious?

Sophie: Positively.

Rachel: I'll be down in five.

(Hangs up)

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Rachel rushes in]

Kate: Hi Rachel. Have you just run a marathon?

Rachel: (out of breath) Your sense of humor is side-splitting.

Sophie: Rach, here a sec.

Rachel: Yeah.

(They go into her office)

Rachel: So what's the story?

Sophie: Well, I rang up all these companies and they said that she's never worked for them. I can't understand why she'd want a job in fashion if she's not interested.

Rachel: No, you're right. She's not interested in fashion. She's interested in something else.

Sophie: Like what?

Rachel: You just keep her busy.

Sophie: Two questions. One, how?

Rachel: Just give her loads of jobs to do.

Sophie: OK. Second, why me?

Rachel: Why do you think we employ you?

Sophie: OK.

[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is there]

(Rachel enters)

Rachel: Ross, I need to explain something to you.

Ross: OK, what?

Rachel: Kate isn't interested in the job?

Ross: How do you know?

Rachel: Well, look here. (Shows him a piece of paper) Sophie rang up all of her previous employers and every one said they'd never heard of her. Doesn't that make you think?

Ross: What?!

Rachel: Well, it didn't come as a surprise to me!

Ross: No?

Rachel: Now, don't you see it?

Ross: OK, yeah now. But when you first met Mark, it took you 4 months to see it. Rachel: That's besides the point.

Ross: No it's not. It's the same situation. Anyway, what are we gonna do? We can't keep her on if she's useless.

Rachel: Good point.

Ross: You'll have to tell her.

Rachel: Um, who said "Shall we give Kate a go?"

Ross: OK, I'll do it! But this is a favour!

Rachel: Fine, whatever.

(Ross leaves)

(Rachel dials a number on the phone)

Rachel: Sophie? Hi. Ross is on his way up now to explain to Kate. (pause) Yeah...(pause) Fine. OK bye.

(Hangs up)

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, Ross' office, Ross and Kate]

Kate: So, what's the problem?

Ross: Well, the thing is, Sophie called up your previous employers for a reference and it turns out that none of them had even heard of you. Can you explain this?

Kate: Oh, well. OK. I really wanted a job in fashion and I saw this opening. I knew I would never get it so I faked my resume.

Ross: Ah-ha. Well, you do realise I'm going to have to let you go, don't you?

Kate: Yeah. Well, I'll go now anyway. I couldn't even last one day!

Ross: Well, it's your fault really.

Kate: I suppose you're right. Never mind.

Ross: But, if I ever need you, I'll give you a call.

Kate: OK, bye.

(She leaves)

Ross: No, wait!

(She comes back)

Kate: What?

Ross: Actually, you can stay on. If you really want the job then I'm sure you'll try hard to keep it.

Kate: You're absolutely right. Thanks Ross.

Ross: That's OK. Sophie will tell you the rest of the stuff you need to know.

Kate: OK, I'll get to it.

[Scene: Bloomingdale's, outer office, Ross is there]

(Rachel enters)

Rachel: (Noticing Kate) What's she still doing here?

Ross: I decided to keep her on.

Rachel: Why?

Ross: I feel she has great potential.

Rachel: You do? This is her first fashion job!

Ross: This is my first fashion job.

Rachel: Yeah, well. You didn't fake your resume.

Ross: Anyway, why should it bother you? Don't you trust me?

Rachel: That's why you're doing this!

Ross: In a way, yes.

Sophie: OK, I'm done here. I've explained everything to Kate. She's back in on Wednesday. Bye.

Ross: See you tomorrow, Sophie.

Kate: Back on Wednesday. Bye.

(They both leave)

Ross: Are we gonna stand here and argue all night or are we gonna make up for some of this lost time?

Rachel: I suppose you're right. I've got quite a few things to do.

Ross: Yeah, OK.

(She goes into her office)

(Ross hurriedly leaves)

Ross: (to himself) He-heh. Goodnight!


[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is there on the couch]

(Rachel enters drenched)

Ross: (Still looking at TV) Finish your work, honey?

Rachel: Yeah.

Ross: Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I took the umbrella!


Ross Geller..........David Schwimmer
Rachel Green..........Jennifer Aniston
Sophie..........................Laura Dean
Kate Wilcox...............Cameron Diaz
Gunther............James Michael Tyler
Veronica Tyler................Helen Hunt

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Ross and Rachel is completely independent. It is in no way associated with NBC or Warner Bros. All logos and images remain the property of Harrison Crecraft.